Gone baby gone....

MIL is gone. Husband blames me and is VERY angry. I had a total and complete meltdown and I finally lost it. I have been telling him I was having a hard time, explained how uncomfortable I was, how all I wanted was for her to fit in NOT take over. That it was screwing up my, and the children's, schedule and that I had told her things to do/not to do and she ignored me. The only way I know how to deal with this is to ignore and avoid, I cannot jump in and be authoritative and I shouldn't have to be, but then he got mad if I avoided. She knew how unhappy I was, but did she ONCE ask me what she could do? Husband promised he would sit down with me to talk to her...never did, just left me here along to fend for myself

I was falling apart, hysterical with nearly constant contractions and no one ever stopped to ask me what we could do? Add to that, she never once has said Thank you, let alone SORRY. Sorry for what? Sorry for never treating me decent a day in my life, or for respecting our family, or caring enough to think of someone other than herself. So it all came crashing down today....I couldn't be anywhere around her after hearing her bitch about me again last night to husband....she complained that I went upstairs to WORK! She complained that she didn't understand why I wanted things done a certain way, so why should she? She complained and complained and complained, and to be fair, I just wanted nothing to do with her.

Husband and I got into it, and it all came out....all the poor treatment of me and the kids all these years, the lack of any consideration, concern, understanding or appreciation for what we have done and have tried to do. We would have been smart to never have had contact with her after the Christmas incident. Now Husband is angry and it will take a long time for use to repair the damage that has been done here,

Happy Easter

We are all, that is the kids and I, sitting upstairs in my room waiting for Ryan to come home. Yep...no breakfast, no egg hunt, nothing until he gets home. Needless to say, they are not thrilled, but the alternative to having to go downstairs and deal with his mother alone is not an Easter memory I want to have. Plus, Ryan needs to come home and dump out the crappy coffee she makes in my coffee maker so I can make myself some. Nice, in my own house I get up and either need to drink disgusting store brand coffee whose beans are picked by little children who are not paid a living wage and receive no education, when I have my nice, home roasted, free trade organic coffee sitting there. This IS my house right? Then she makes fun of the fact that I won't buy child labor coffee and that SHE can't afford it.....well, my coffee is about 2 dollars a pound cheaper than regular store beans, you just need to roast them, which I do. So what the hell is the problem? Oh yeah, why give a damn about anyone else.

I am done

done, done, done, done DONE!

Currently my husband is annoyed at me and blames me. He then tells me that I needed to be NICER...um to the lady who cursed me out a year ago and physically attacked him? Oh, or to the woman who has shown no interest in me, the kids or the success of our marriage? Maybe to the lady who has told him REPEATEDLY to LEAVE ME!!!! Then she keeps bitching about how she doesn't understand and she is afraid to ask because I might yell at her....um, I have never yelled at her, never. Not when she tried to ruin my wedding. Not when she took my brand new baby who had just been diagnosed with a heart condition out of the house without telling me. Not when she told me I "trapped" him, or when I had to listen to her bitch about how hard her life is and I though my baby was dying. Not when the current baby's heart issues were thrown on the back burner because she is more important. Not ever. Ryan says I need to TELL her what to do...well, I did and have, and she ignores me! I told her what not to do...she does it anyway. She doesn't care enough to listen! Then she is bitching at him that there is stuff in "her" closet and we should have cleaned it out. Why. Why should we have? I mean if she had come in JANUARY like agreed and when I had the time, we would have....but she didn't and I don't have the time now. Plus it is Ryan's stuff, so bitch at him. Seriously, you walk into someone else's house at 4:45 AM!!!! and expect them to think you give a crap? You never once ask about the kids.....you never once ASK how we do things! You don't even consider that when you bring food into our house and Haven can't have it, that is just plan stupid and MEAN. I don't care if your life sucks, it is not my fault. Be halfway decent, show some concern for the rest of the people YOU are affecting because you couldn't do anything for yourself. She screwed up, not me. My bills are paid. I take care of my family. Now everything is all screwed up, I am trapped upstairs because I don't like conflict. Easter is ruined as I cannot be anywhere around her or she complains to my husband. Leave, go home, go away, I don't care what happens...you don't care enough to try to fix your own life why should I care?

I am a baby

I am a big stinkin baby, but at least I will admit it. I really miss my old life,my quiet home, stuff only where I put it. I don't like people in my kitchen or touching my laundry, it screws with my mental state. I miss having a routine, and I want to see my husband...alone. I fear we will never have, ahem, "private" time with his mother down the hall! I haven't even really gotten to hug him this week! I need my life back, I am nearing depression and it has only been a week. Oh and I want to NOT wear a bra for awhile or worry that my pj pants have a hole in the crotch.

I may lose it

I need my space, my routine. I am feeling very trapped in my own home and it is near impossible for me to manage. For the last two nights, MIL has been downstairs ALL NIGHT. Here is the issue...I like to use my family room, and watch my TV. I like to do it ALONE and in quiet after a busy, long day. I just want to sit there sometimes and relax, but NO I CAN"T because if I stay down there and she is there she talks and talks and talks at me. So much that I can't even HEAR the television. I don't want to TALK! Also, a lot of nights I can't sleep...like tonight, and usually I hang out downstairs and make tea...but I CAN'T.I have been stuck in my stupid room all night, I NEVER hang out in my room, NEVER. Yesterday I wanted to get up at 5, but she was STILL THERE! What the fuck...go to the room we gave you and read or something. I need my space!!!!!

Well she made it

at 4:40 am!!!

After crying to the husband when he said she called and was leaving NY at 7 pm, he assured me that he would talk to her about our lifestyle. I am the first to admit that I am rigid in my lifestyle, I need to plan and I need a schedule. Our life is one that is balanced, and the key to the balance is me having a clear and precise schedule. When you work from home, and go to school, you must understand your limitations and those of your family. You need to know how to balance the time you are home, with the time you are occupied, play time with work time. I can only ask the kids to give me so much time to work in a row, I am here to raise them and help them and be their mom, so they need me to be able to put the laptop down and do what they want/need. If I can't plan, then things get backed up and I am not as able to move and flex my time for the kids. If I don't plan, there is no dinner or clean laundry, no lunches made or permission slips signed, no doctor's appointments. Being a good mom is a full time job, I also have a full time job, I also have a part time job, and I go to school full time....that needs planning and balance. So far, we have done well with this, and a big part of that is my husband knows how much I have going on, so he lets me do the majority of the planning. Having one person influence the plan makes it efficient.

Here is the issue, MIL NEVER plans and doesn't concern herself with how her actions affect others, case and point, showing up at almost 5 am. She never has had to care, she never has held a real job, she worked a bit, but only once divorced and her kids were grown. She never had to worry about a schedule since she mostly sat home and watched TV when her kids were little, in fact, she didn't even clean or cook...so who cares about a schedule right?

Unfortunetly for her, we have schedules, we need them, and they will continue. So husband will be explaining this, and that I am the keeper of the house, the plan, the kids, and everything else. Period.

So um, yeah.....

MIL is SUPPOSED to come tonight,but we haven't heard from her and she was supposed to call when she left. Being that it is after 6, we are not sure what that means. She makes me crazy!